[ yea he knows he's not exactly being fair, since - part of the conversation, ash wasn't there for. but he is still angry, and was never good at figuring out how to express himself with words, even before all of... this. it's frustrating all around, and it's far easier to focus on plating the okonomiyaki. ]
Then shouldn't you have waited until I was there, too? Wasn't that what we agreed on, since it affects the three of us?
Mm. [ that's why he tried to do this talk so early. ] It ... wasn't really what I'd planned to do, so.
[ he leans a little further into the counter, to watch what kara's doing and also to try and gauge his reactions. ]
Let's talk then.
I know what you and Lili discussed, kinda. In kinda vague terms. And I've said I'm fine with that, it's your relationship not mine.
I also agreed with her that I'd be pretty terrible at anything nobility related, and... well. I need to survive whatever happens back home if I can, so there's that. [ which is, perhaps, the bigger block on all of this and one that's maybe not gonna be surmountable after all this. ]
[ he still doesn't look at ash. there's a tray on the counter; he puts the plate on it, and busies his hands with making tea. ]
If you know what we talked about, then you should know that I said that I don't want to share her yet.
[ which might explain the edge in his voice? he's not usually a selfish person - ookurikara knows as well as anyone that anything he could call his own could easily be taken from him in the blink of an eye. and he knows that he'll never be the only one in lili's life, but... turns out, that's exactly why he wants her to himself, if only for now. ]
Nice to hear it directly from you. I did say I know that, and I also just said I'm not gonna be trampling all over that? [ he's kept saying it, and he's seen enough to know this ain't gonna be the make or break for them. ]
But I'm asking about you with regards to you, not just her. [ he said it's all three of them, so there's one specific angle that hasn't been discussed yet. ]
You're not actually answering my question, but alright.
[ he tilts his head. ]
Sorry it ended up happening without you being aware. [ because it wouldn't have normally. ] Take it out on me when we spar, then. I'm not going to do it again, so there's nothing to worry about there.
[ two cups get added to the tray before kara finally turns to look at ash. there's nothing to do, really, while waiting for the tea to finish. ]
It shouldn't have happened at all. [ honestly, he kind of hates that he's this angry about it. he's always known that lili would never be just his, and he thought he was fine with that. ] But fine. When we spar.
I'm asking where you stand -- or stood, I guess? I don't know -- with me. [ brew tea, brew. ] It's not really a big deal, or it won't be after we get out of here.
[ there's a pause, as he looks at the tea. ]
Alright then. Kick me when we spar or something, contrary to however you're viewing it in your mind, I'm really not trying to steal her away from you. Or barge in where it's not wanted.
[ he kinda wants to suggest maybe talking it out again with lili if it's that much of a thing for kara, but... nnnnnot his place.
he does, however, pull a face. ]
D'ya ever wonder how things might've gone if Greeny hadn't tried to be "helpful" about that curse a couple of weeks back. [ because he's starting to think he'd have less of a headache. ]
If you think I'm any more likely than Lili to leave you to execution or whatever is waiting for you, you're an idiot.
[ he'll just. get that out of the way right now, lmao. ]
It would be less complicated if Flayn hadn't interfered. [ and... yeah, kara is still bitter about that. he hasn't hidden that from anyone.
that said... he's still frowning, but he sighs and averts his eyes. ]
I don't know, Ash. I've never been good at figuring out things like this. I would've been content to just call you a friend, I think. [ but then it had to get complicated. ] Maybe I could have had a crush on you eventually - maybe I do, I don't know. It doesn't change much right now, and I'd still prefer it to just be me and Lili for a little longer.
I don't blame you for liking her. [ everyone should love lili an!!! she deserves it!! ] But I still don't see why you thought you had to kiss her for the task.
[ he's still allowed to be grumpy about that, right? ]
It's not like having more people there will change anything if that's what's gonna happen. It might just make things worse, especially if you guys got dragged into it too.
[ thanks for that though? now he has two people to tell to stay away?? it's fine.
(it really sort of is.) ]
[ but he does hold up his hands. ] I know. S'why I came here to talk about it, so you heard it from both of us and didn't feel like I was trying to hide it or run or anything. [ even if he's grumpy about it (which, y'know. fair.), ash pretending like nothing had happened and keeping quiet would've just been a dick move across the board, so... yeah. he'll take that. ]
[ after a moment though, he holds out a hand -- maybe it's similar to what happened on Saturday in the isolation cell, only his hand is out flat and not in a fist. more like a handshake. ]
... Maybe I'd could say the same, I dunno. It'd be too early to tell, and too complicated to figure out here and now. But if I do make it home and through whatever, it'll be both of you I'd be telling afterwards, not just her. Because I'd want both of you to know.
[ that's... maybe the most clarity he has on it right now. out of everyone here, there are four people he'd want to contact, and only three of them are awake. and kara would be one of them.
[ to that, kara just shrugs. he's not going to argue about how determined either he or lili can be, not now. ]
Not so early that you don't know how you feel about Lili, though.
[ he says it blandly, because really, he's trying to tamp down on the anger. ookurikara knows where he and lili stands - they've talked about it countless times, and one kiss isn't going to ruin that.
he's just, haha, maybe a little bitter that these things keep happening when he and lili already have so little time together, and all of it marred by murders.
but sure, he'll shake ash's hand. that the way to fix any romantic complications, right? i love you, becks. ] There's no "if." You're going to, or we will both find a way there to drag you out of it, one way or another.
Easier to figure out. You know how readable she is. You're subtler, so this is a bit more complicated. Why? You want me to do something big and see if we figure it out?
[ i would like everyone to be my witness that when ray says "becks is running from me" she actually means "i'm slamming the door shut in becks' face and cucking her" 😔 ]
It's not like I actually want to die. I'm just being practical.
You're going to have to come up with something better than that. Whether or not you and Lili want to date or stay friends, she's not going to accept that. [ . . . ] And neither will I.
Look. I’m gonna try? But I don’t know what situation I’ll be in — I passed out before coming here, so someone’ll definitely have arrested me. It’s not gonna be as easy as running as soon as I wake up. [ except it is but he doesn’t know that. ]
Because you want to keep as much time with Lili as you can, and that was a bit like stamping on that. [ that’s the point, as far as he can see. it’s not like he’ll do it again, and... well. he’s said he’d be a terrible noble so it probably wouldn’t work out in terms of all that courtship stuff she’s used to and her world would expect. ]
[ he still refuses to look at ash while he struggles to find the words. honestly, kara wishes he could just leave, like he did last night - but that won't solve anything. ]
...Even though I was planning to fight, I didn't believe that I leave that ring alive. Once they called my name on Saturday, I expected to die like all the rest. [ like ash had said, no one else who'd received the vote had survived. it was a surprise to all of them. ] I thought I'd lost what little time we had left, and all I could think about was Lili. But I did lived, and I took that time back.
[ when he finally looks back at ash, he doesn't bother trying to hide the hurt in his eyes. ]
It was barely a day after that, Ash. You ignored what she and I agreed on, and hardly even a day after I could have died.
[ he shakes his head, drops his arms, and turns to deal with the tea. ]
[ it’s. like, in no way does he think kara shouldn’t be pissed off? but also he... can’t say he would go back and not kiss Lili.
... complicated. ]
It was kind of in the moment, so my timing was shit. And it’s something I should’ve talked to you about first. [ maybe a tiny part of him’s... ticked isn’t the word? would’ve liked both of them to come to him with that decision, not just have it filter down to him? but that feels unreasonable too. it’s not his relationship. ]
The time’s yours. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna be a part of anything so... [ that’s been made decently clear? just in terms of facts and how all their various worlds work. he shifts so he can put his hands in his pockets, and watches as kara makes the tea. ]
I wouldn’t do that. Take her away. Even if I fucked up elsewhere, don’t think I’d do that. I’d have made sure she didn’t run herself into the ground while she got you back.
I know it doesn’t. [ but hey, here they are. ] You can still trust I’ve got your back in getting out of here, and anything else... even if not with her. [ because he does, but... yeah. fair. ]
[ ray “perhaps i will surprise you... by stabbing you with this knife” ]
She doesn’t. S’what I’m saying. And that’s fine with me as well.
[ frown ]
Don’t sell yourself short here. Tell me to my face what you and Lili decided and what you want. Don’t let it filter down and be fine with that. Tell me.
[ ugh. he hates this - he doesn't want to be angry, he just wants to go back to his cabin, make sure lili's eaten something, and sleep for a while. turns out spending most of the night swinging your sword around, while injured, doesn't leave you feeling rested. how odd. ]
I told her that I know I can't keep her to myself forever... but I asked for this time, at least, before we leave here, to be just for us, because she died before I could give her a proper answer last time. So even if I have to share her someday, I wanted to have some time where it was just us, for as long as we could have it. That's all.
And if she wants to date someone else later, that's her decision, not mine.
And, I mean... [ he taps a knuckle against kara’s shoulder ] Stepping on that wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I did and I won’t again. Even if you’re making it sound like you’re not part of her decision-making process, what involves her involves you.
But don’t limit yourself to “just until we leave here” — I don’t think she’d be mad if you took all the time you wanted, or told her if you wanted that. Because if someone’s gonna ask for her without you, then she’d show them door in five seconds flat.
Give yourself some time without, y’know. All this bullshit going on around you. It ain’t selfish to ask for it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Then shouldn't you have waited until I was there, too? Wasn't that what we agreed on, since it affects the three of us?
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[ he leans a little further into the counter, to watch what kara's doing and also to try and gauge his reactions. ]
Let's talk then.
I know what you and Lili discussed, kinda. In kinda vague terms. And I've said I'm fine with that, it's your relationship not mine.
I also agreed with her that I'd be pretty terrible at anything nobility related, and... well. I need to survive whatever happens back home if I can, so there's that. [ which is, perhaps, the bigger block on all of this and one that's maybe not gonna be surmountable after all this. ]
But you're right. Where are you on all this?
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If you know what we talked about, then you should know that I said that I don't want to share her yet.
[ which might explain the edge in his voice? he's not usually a selfish person - ookurikara knows as well as anyone that anything he could call his own could easily be taken from him in the blink of an eye. and he knows that he'll never be the only one in lili's life, but... turns out, that's exactly why he wants her to himself, if only for now. ]
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Nice to hear it directly from you. I did say I know that, and I also just said I'm not gonna be trampling all over that? [ he's kept saying it, and he's seen enough to know this ain't gonna be the make or break for them. ]
But I'm asking about you with regards to you, not just her. [ he said it's all three of them, so there's one specific angle that hasn't been discussed yet. ]
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[ which he's. still salty about, unfortunately, even if ash insists he's not going to do anything more. ]
I'm angry with you for that, if that's what you're asking.
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[ he tilts his head. ]
Sorry it ended up happening without you being aware. [ because it wouldn't have normally. ] Take it out on me when we spar, then. I'm not going to do it again, so there's nothing to worry about there.
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[ two cups get added to the tray before kara finally turns to look at ash. there's nothing to do, really, while waiting for the tea to finish. ]
It shouldn't have happened at all. [ honestly, he kind of hates that he's this angry about it. he's always known that lili would never be just his, and he thought he was fine with that. ] But fine. When we spar.
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[ there's a pause, as he looks at the tea. ]
Alright then. Kick me when we spar or something, contrary to however you're viewing it in your mind, I'm really not trying to steal her away from you. Or barge in where it's not wanted.
[ he kinda wants to suggest maybe talking it out again with lili if it's that much of a thing for kara, but... nnnnnot his place.
he does, however, pull a face. ]
D'ya ever wonder how things might've gone if Greeny hadn't tried to be "helpful" about that curse a couple of weeks back. [ because he's starting to think he'd have less of a headache. ]
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[ he'll just. get that out of the way right now, lmao. ]
It would be less complicated if Flayn hadn't interfered. [ and... yeah, kara is still bitter about that. he hasn't hidden that from anyone.
that said... he's still frowning, but he sighs and averts his eyes. ]
I don't know, Ash. I've never been good at figuring out things like this. I would've been content to just call you a friend, I think. [ but then it had to get complicated. ] Maybe I could have had a crush on you eventually - maybe I do, I don't know. It doesn't change much right now, and I'd still prefer it to just be me and Lili for a little longer.
I don't blame you for liking her. [ everyone should love lili an!!! she deserves it!! ] But I still don't see why you thought you had to kiss her for the task.
[ he's still allowed to be grumpy about that, right? ]
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[ thanks for that though? now he has two people to tell to stay away?? it's fine.
(it really sort of is.) ]
[ but he does hold up his hands. ] I know. S'why I came here to talk about it, so you heard it from both of us and didn't feel like I was trying to hide it or run or anything. [ even if he's grumpy about it (which, y'know. fair.), ash pretending like nothing had happened and keeping quiet would've just been a dick move across the board, so... yeah. he'll take that. ]
[ after a moment though, he holds out a hand -- maybe it's similar to what happened on Saturday in the isolation cell, only his hand is out flat and not in a fist. more like a handshake. ]
... Maybe I'd could say the same, I dunno. It'd be too early to tell, and too complicated to figure out here and now. But if I do make it home and through whatever, it'll be both of you I'd be telling afterwards, not just her. Because I'd want both of you to know.
[ that's... maybe the most clarity he has on it right now. out of everyone here, there are four people he'd want to contact, and only three of them are awake. and kara would be one of them.
that means something at least. ]
I can promise you both that.
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Not so early that you don't know how you feel about Lili, though.
[ he says it blandly, because really, he's trying to tamp down on the anger. ookurikara knows where he and lili stands - they've talked about it countless times, and one kiss isn't going to ruin that.
he's just, haha, maybe a little bitter that these things keep happening when he and lili already have so little time together, and all of it marred by murders.
but sure, he'll shake ash's hand. that the way to fix any romantic complications, right? i love you, becks. ] There's no "if." You're going to, or we will both find a way there to drag you out of it, one way or another.
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Easier to figure out. You know how readable she is. You're subtler, so this is a bit more complicated. Why? You want me to do something big and see if we figure it out?
[ i would like everyone to be my witness that when ray says "becks is running from me" she actually means "i'm slamming the door shut in becks' face and cucking her" 😔 ]
It's not like I actually want to die. I'm just being practical.
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[ watch as i prove becks wrong and cuck NOTHING ]
You're going to have to come up with something better than that. Whether or not you and Lili want to date or stay friends, she's not going to accept that. [ . . . ] And neither will I.
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Why, you asking me to kiss you and see?
[ ... he sighs. ]
Look. I’m gonna try? But I don’t know what situation I’ll be in — I passed out before coming here, so someone’ll definitely have arrested me. It’s not gonna be as easy as running as soon as I wake up. [ except it is but he doesn’t know that. ]
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[ kara crosses his arms with a sigh, and looks away. ]
...Do you even understand why I'm angry with you?
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Because you want to keep as much time with Lili as you can, and that was a bit like stamping on that. [ that’s the point, as far as he can see. it’s not like he’ll do it again, and... well. he’s said he’d be a terrible noble so it probably wouldn’t work out in terms of all that courtship stuff she’s used to and her world would expect. ]
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[ he still refuses to look at ash while he struggles to find the words. honestly, kara wishes he could just leave, like he did last night - but that won't solve anything. ]
...Even though I was planning to fight, I didn't believe that I leave that ring alive. Once they called my name on Saturday, I expected to die like all the rest. [ like ash had said, no one else who'd received the vote had survived. it was a surprise to all of them. ] I thought I'd lost what little time we had left, and all I could think about was Lili. But I did lived, and I took that time back.
[ when he finally looks back at ash, he doesn't bother trying to hide the hurt in his eyes. ]
It was barely a day after that, Ash. You ignored what she and I agreed on, and hardly even a day after I could have died.
[ he shakes his head, drops his arms, and turns to deal with the tea. ]
...You were the last person I expected that from.
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Look, I know. Or I know now?
[ it’s. like, in no way does he think kara shouldn’t be pissed off? but also he... can’t say he would go back and not kiss Lili.
... complicated. ]
It was kind of in the moment, so my timing was shit. And it’s something I should’ve talked to you about first. [ maybe a tiny part of him’s... ticked isn’t the word? would’ve liked both of them to come to him with that decision, not just have it filter down to him? but that feels unreasonable too. it’s not his relationship. ]
The time’s yours. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna be a part of anything so... [ that’s been made decently clear? just in terms of facts and how all their various worlds work. he shifts so he can put his hands in his pockets, and watches as kara makes the tea. ]
I wouldn’t do that. Take her away. Even if I fucked up elsewhere, don’t think I’d do that. I’d have made sure she didn’t run herself into the ground while she got you back.
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[ he's pretty confident of that much, at least. ]
That doesn't make it better, Ash. I trust her... but I trusted you, too.
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[ it’s? the truth? ]
I know it doesn’t. [ but hey, here they are. ] You can still trust I’ve got your back in getting out of here, and anything else... even if not with her. [ because he does, but... yeah. fair. ]
[ ray “perhaps i will surprise you... by stabbing you with this knife” ]
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I don't think I can trust you with Lili, but that's not really my decision, either. If she wants to try dating you, I won't stand in the way.
[ kara might be unhappy about it? but he won't stop them, if that's what lili wants. her happiness will always be more important than his own. ]
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She doesn’t. S’what I’m saying. And that’s fine with me as well.
[ frown ]
Don’t sell yourself short here. Tell me to my face what you and Lili decided and what you want. Don’t let it filter down and be fine with that. Tell me.
[ let him hear it face to face, kara. ]
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I told her that I know I can't keep her to myself forever... but I asked for this time, at least, before we leave here, to be just for us, because she died before I could give her a proper answer last time. So even if I have to share her someday, I wanted to have some time where it was just us, for as long as we could have it. That's all.
And if she wants to date someone else later, that's her decision, not mine.
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actually, ash just smiles. ]
Good to know.
And, I mean... [ he taps a knuckle against kara’s shoulder ] Stepping on that wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I did and I won’t again. Even if you’re making it sound like you’re not part of her decision-making process, what involves her involves you.
But don’t limit yourself to “just until we leave here” — I don’t think she’d be mad if you took all the time you wanted, or told her if you wanted that. Because if someone’s gonna ask for her without you, then she’d show them door in five seconds flat.
Give yourself some time without, y’know. All this bullshit going on around you. It ain’t selfish to ask for it.
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...We don't have that kind of time, outside of here.
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