Because you want to keep as much time with Lili as you can, and that was a bit like stamping on that. [ that’s the point, as far as he can see. it’s not like he’ll do it again, and... well. he’s said he’d be a terrible noble so it probably wouldn’t work out in terms of all that courtship stuff she’s used to and her world would expect. ]
[ he still refuses to look at ash while he struggles to find the words. honestly, kara wishes he could just leave, like he did last night - but that won't solve anything. ]
...Even though I was planning to fight, I didn't believe that I leave that ring alive. Once they called my name on Saturday, I expected to die like all the rest. [ like ash had said, no one else who'd received the vote had survived. it was a surprise to all of them. ] I thought I'd lost what little time we had left, and all I could think about was Lili. But I did lived, and I took that time back.
[ when he finally looks back at ash, he doesn't bother trying to hide the hurt in his eyes. ]
It was barely a day after that, Ash. You ignored what she and I agreed on, and hardly even a day after I could have died.
[ he shakes his head, drops his arms, and turns to deal with the tea. ]
[ it’s. like, in no way does he think kara shouldn’t be pissed off? but also he... can’t say he would go back and not kiss Lili.
... complicated. ]
It was kind of in the moment, so my timing was shit. And it’s something I should’ve talked to you about first. [ maybe a tiny part of him’s... ticked isn’t the word? would’ve liked both of them to come to him with that decision, not just have it filter down to him? but that feels unreasonable too. it’s not his relationship. ]
The time’s yours. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna be a part of anything so... [ that’s been made decently clear? just in terms of facts and how all their various worlds work. he shifts so he can put his hands in his pockets, and watches as kara makes the tea. ]
I wouldn’t do that. Take her away. Even if I fucked up elsewhere, don’t think I’d do that. I’d have made sure she didn’t run herself into the ground while she got you back.
I know it doesn’t. [ but hey, here they are. ] You can still trust I’ve got your back in getting out of here, and anything else... even if not with her. [ because he does, but... yeah. fair. ]
[ ray “perhaps i will surprise you... by stabbing you with this knife” ]
She doesn’t. S’what I’m saying. And that’s fine with me as well.
[ frown ]
Don’t sell yourself short here. Tell me to my face what you and Lili decided and what you want. Don’t let it filter down and be fine with that. Tell me.
[ ugh. he hates this - he doesn't want to be angry, he just wants to go back to his cabin, make sure lili's eaten something, and sleep for a while. turns out spending most of the night swinging your sword around, while injured, doesn't leave you feeling rested. how odd. ]
I told her that I know I can't keep her to myself forever... but I asked for this time, at least, before we leave here, to be just for us, because she died before I could give her a proper answer last time. So even if I have to share her someday, I wanted to have some time where it was just us, for as long as we could have it. That's all.
And if she wants to date someone else later, that's her decision, not mine.
And, I mean... [ he taps a knuckle against kara’s shoulder ] Stepping on that wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I did and I won’t again. Even if you’re making it sound like you’re not part of her decision-making process, what involves her involves you.
But don’t limit yourself to “just until we leave here” — I don’t think she’d be mad if you took all the time you wanted, or told her if you wanted that. Because if someone’s gonna ask for her without you, then she’d show them door in five seconds flat.
Give yourself some time without, y’know. All this bullshit going on around you. It ain’t selfish to ask for it.
Lili has to go home to deal with suitors until she finds someone suitable to marry. I have a war to fight that may continue for hundreds of years, and I can't just leave the citadel whenever I want.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Because you want to keep as much time with Lili as you can, and that was a bit like stamping on that. [ that’s the point, as far as he can see. it’s not like he’ll do it again, and... well. he’s said he’d be a terrible noble so it probably wouldn’t work out in terms of all that courtship stuff she’s used to and her world would expect. ]
no subject
[ he still refuses to look at ash while he struggles to find the words. honestly, kara wishes he could just leave, like he did last night - but that won't solve anything. ]
...Even though I was planning to fight, I didn't believe that I leave that ring alive. Once they called my name on Saturday, I expected to die like all the rest. [ like ash had said, no one else who'd received the vote had survived. it was a surprise to all of them. ] I thought I'd lost what little time we had left, and all I could think about was Lili. But I did lived, and I took that time back.
[ when he finally looks back at ash, he doesn't bother trying to hide the hurt in his eyes. ]
It was barely a day after that, Ash. You ignored what she and I agreed on, and hardly even a day after I could have died.
[ he shakes his head, drops his arms, and turns to deal with the tea. ]
...You were the last person I expected that from.
no subject
Look, I know. Or I know now?
[ it’s. like, in no way does he think kara shouldn’t be pissed off? but also he... can’t say he would go back and not kiss Lili.
... complicated. ]
It was kind of in the moment, so my timing was shit. And it’s something I should’ve talked to you about first. [ maybe a tiny part of him’s... ticked isn’t the word? would’ve liked both of them to come to him with that decision, not just have it filter down to him? but that feels unreasonable too. it’s not his relationship. ]
The time’s yours. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna be a part of anything so... [ that’s been made decently clear? just in terms of facts and how all their various worlds work. he shifts so he can put his hands in his pockets, and watches as kara makes the tea. ]
I wouldn’t do that. Take her away. Even if I fucked up elsewhere, don’t think I’d do that. I’d have made sure she didn’t run herself into the ground while she got you back.
no subject
[ he's pretty confident of that much, at least. ]
That doesn't make it better, Ash. I trust her... but I trusted you, too.
no subject
[ it’s? the truth? ]
I know it doesn’t. [ but hey, here they are. ] You can still trust I’ve got your back in getting out of here, and anything else... even if not with her. [ because he does, but... yeah. fair. ]
[ ray “perhaps i will surprise you... by stabbing you with this knife” ]
no subject
I don't think I can trust you with Lili, but that's not really my decision, either. If she wants to try dating you, I won't stand in the way.
[ kara might be unhappy about it? but he won't stop them, if that's what lili wants. her happiness will always be more important than his own. ]
no subject
She doesn’t. S’what I’m saying. And that’s fine with me as well.
[ frown ]
Don’t sell yourself short here. Tell me to my face what you and Lili decided and what you want. Don’t let it filter down and be fine with that. Tell me.
[ let him hear it face to face, kara. ]
no subject
I told her that I know I can't keep her to myself forever... but I asked for this time, at least, before we leave here, to be just for us, because she died before I could give her a proper answer last time. So even if I have to share her someday, I wanted to have some time where it was just us, for as long as we could have it. That's all.
And if she wants to date someone else later, that's her decision, not mine.
no subject
actually, ash just smiles. ]
Good to know.
And, I mean... [ he taps a knuckle against kara’s shoulder ] Stepping on that wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I did and I won’t again. Even if you’re making it sound like you’re not part of her decision-making process, what involves her involves you.
But don’t limit yourself to “just until we leave here” — I don’t think she’d be mad if you took all the time you wanted, or told her if you wanted that. Because if someone’s gonna ask for her without you, then she’d show them door in five seconds flat.
Give yourself some time without, y’know. All this bullshit going on around you. It ain’t selfish to ask for it.
no subject
...We don't have that kind of time, outside of here.
no subject
no subject