He saw us the first week. We came back and we were awake before he was. He covered for us - me and Wei Wuxian. [ ... ] The next time, we came back and Huaisang came in after us.
He thought he was protecting me from having to kill again. He figured - if he did it, I wouldn't have to. But none of us could say anything, so he just - they died for nothing. He died for nothing. And I still had to kill people three weeks in a row.
I'm sorry. Really. I never - I never wanted... [ she takes a deep breath. ] I know everybody was upset and frustrated and I - I didn't always do things the right way. I still can't find my footing with some people.
I don't want to say I deserve anything, I just. I tried so hard to not make any of you go through this. I tore people apart with something that came from me. I won't - ever be the same again.
[ he leans forward enough to knock his elbow against her leg. ]
I know. Shit, Beau we might not have talked much back at the mansion but I know you're not the sort of person who murders for a good time on a Friday night just because you feel like it. [ he'd seen her care, and how she was after Wright died. ]
Yeah, I'm pissed about things that happened, and yeah I'm sure everyone is. But at this point all I wanna see is that snake burn for making this situation worse and worse every week. Anything else ain't gonna be productive, and it'll spit in the face of me, you, and everyone else.
[ it's said... firmly. because he's seen her temper blow up twice already today and he gets it but it doesn't do anyone any favours. and yeah, there are things he's mad about that he's not saying but they don't matter over getting out of here, and he doesn't need to say them. ]
You planning on keeping that up once you get out of here? [ ... ] 'Cause I kinda think that's a no. Even if you're not the same, you're Beau.
I'm trying not to get angry. It just - hurts. It hurts to hear that I haven't been doing anything to help, and it hurts to have people hate me for shit that I never said, Ash.
[ and when she hurts, she gets angry. ]
I'm not going to keep it up once we're out of here, but it doesn't change what I did. [ she looks down at her feet. ]
I'm going to help kill the snake, but I'm... I'm just going to take whatever people have to say to me today and then stay away.
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no subject
[ hm. ]
...
Did Huaisang know?
no subject
He saw us the first week. We came back and we were awake before he was. He covered for us - me and Wei Wuxian. [ ... ] The next time, we came back and Huaisang came in after us.
He thought he was protecting me from having to kill again. He figured - if he did it, I wouldn't have to. But none of us could say anything, so he just - they died for nothing. He died for nothing. And I still had to kill people three weeks in a row.
no subject
...
S'what that snake wants, right? Feeds off the sadness, and the anger -- [ and boy there was a whole lot of that going around behind the scenes. ]
But when it's had enough fun feeding on everything we've gone through here, we're gonna tear it apart and get out of here.
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I'm sorry. Really. I never - I never wanted... [ she takes a deep breath. ] I know everybody was upset and frustrated and I - I didn't always do things the right way. I still can't find my footing with some people.
I don't want to say I deserve anything, I just. I tried so hard to not make any of you go through this. I tore people apart with something that came from me. I won't - ever be the same again.
no subject
I know. Shit, Beau we might not have talked much back at the mansion but I know you're not the sort of person who murders for a good time on a Friday night just because you feel like it. [ he'd seen her care, and how she was after Wright died. ]
Yeah, I'm pissed about things that happened, and yeah I'm sure everyone is. But at this point all I wanna see is that snake burn for making this situation worse and worse every week. Anything else ain't gonna be productive, and it'll spit in the face of me, you, and everyone else.
[ it's said... firmly. because he's seen her temper blow up twice already today and he gets it but it doesn't do anyone any favours. and yeah, there are things he's mad about that he's not saying but they don't matter over getting out of here, and he doesn't need to say them. ]
You planning on keeping that up once you get out of here? [ ... ] 'Cause I kinda think that's a no. Even if you're not the same, you're Beau.
no subject
[ and when she hurts, she gets angry. ]
I'm not going to keep it up once we're out of here, but it doesn't change what I did. [ she looks down at her feet. ]
I'm going to help kill the snake, but I'm... I'm just going to take whatever people have to say to me today and then stay away.