BRILITH

[voidbreaker]

Comments

[voidbreaker]

[ he does not understand your relationship with agni and honestly he isn't even sure he wants to understand it. ]

And if he dies here as well?

[infire]

[ how annoying. ]

Then he will keep his distance. He always follows the orders I give him. He won't come near me, if I tell him not to.

[voidbreaker]

[ sorry he's asking the real questions ]

... Your relationship with him is a mess. [ sigh. ] I'd consider it a damn failure if you died here, Bril.

[infire]

You think I don't know that? He's the one still holding on.

[ raises her eyebrows. ]

Why?

[voidbreaker]

Why's he doing that?

[ he just tilts his head. ]

'Cause I'd miss talking to you. You're sharp, and a good asset in figuring this place out. I'd be ticked I couldn't help you.

You can go on and tell me that's selfishness, but only when you're done trying to commit suicide by majority vote.

[infire]

Because he loves me, and he doesn't know how to let that go. For a fifth-zen god who was supposed to have reached enlightenment, he is still a fool.

[ though it sends a pang through her heart, she won't address that ash would miss her. she doesn't want to let the emotions of this life cloud her judgment, if she can help it... though the sedative is making that more difficult than she'd like. ]

And I hardly need to wait for the vote to take my own life - just Thursday night.

[voidbreaker]

They say love's supposed to be pretty powerful. Maybe it overwhelms higher beings more than us lowly ones.

[ ... ]

Someone else gets dragged into that too, Bril.

[infire]

Betrothal to a god means eternal rebirth, for as long as it holds true. If he would release me from it, I would be able to die and stay that way, for once.

...If you don't think I can accomplish it myself, Ash, you are mistaken.

[voidbreaker]

So you just... get reborn and then remember all your past lives?

[ that's a heavy load to bear, huh. ]

I'd really prefer that you didn't. All of us would. [ It's the truth, but he's just saying the words now. ] Just, y'know. More people would still be dragged into it, if it wasn't apparent there was no killer.

[infire]

It can take a while, but yes. As long as the betrothal is in effect, I will never be able to see either paradise or hell when I die. I'll just be reborn and start all over again.

...You all care so much about a woman who is no longer here. [ ash doesn't need to know that she's struggling to keep the brilith ruin of this lifetime in check. no one does. ] Would it help if I left you all a note? No one else would need to be involved.

[voidbreaker]

... [ Man that's complicated. Would he want to keep clinging to his mom in that same way if he could? Not his birth mother, he doesn't really remember her. But...

He's not sure he would. ]

Yeah? [ well. i mean. that statement gives away a fair bit from phrasing alone. ] You're forgetting that if you've been in this state of mind since you got here, then we all care about-- [ And he points at Brilith and does a circle with his index finger. ]-- you, whole.

Those can be forged or messed with.

[infire]

You say that, but none of you seem fond of me since my awakening. And whether you want to believe it or not, this is my true self.

And I suppose you'd refuse to let me go, were I to tell you myself before curfew.

[voidbreaker]

Springing it on us in the middle of the trial ain't ever gonna go down well. [ ... ] Can I still call you Bril, or do you have a name you like more?

Yup. We're at a bit of a standstill, huh?

[infire]

You think I wanted this?

[ in a flare of anger, she hurls the question at him. as if she's ever had a choice? as if she prefers this sort of cursed existence?

...but a moment later it's gone, brilith reminds herself that ash can't really understand. no one here can, save agni, and she doesn't want anything more from him. ]

Call me what you want. I've had too many names for it to matter.

[voidbreaker]

[ Dryly: ] I never said that, cool it.

I'm just saying, people don't react positively to that kind of shit. You're asking why people didn't throw open their arms and welcome you to the party? From our perspective you just jumped in to throw yourself under the proverbial tram out of nowhere and you scared them.

There's two sides to everything. [ It all comes down to that "understanding" thing. Something she isn't too interested in helping with. ]

Bril it is then.

[infire]

But now you'll have an easy vote, should you fail to find your monster.

[ this is getting frustrating. usually she has a better handle on her emotions than this... ]

What do you want from me, Ash?

[voidbreaker]

I kinda wanted to get mad at you, but it turns out there's a lot more going on than I thought.

[ he leans forward in his seat, and stares her straight in the eyes. ]

Whatever you think, the Bril from earlier is a part of all of you now. And I like Bril.

[infire]

Isn't there always.

[ she doesn't shy away, meeting his gaze evenly, with a wry smile. ]

Are you so sure you'll like the "Bril" that I am now?

[voidbreaker]

Oh, sure. Always.

[ beneath the surface, there's always something. He just grins back. This isn't the soft or polite Bril, no, but... ]

Dunno. You gonna let me find out?

[infire]

[ she huffs a soft laugh under her breath. it's the first remotely good thing she's felt since...

...how strange. ]

I don't expect you to give me a choice. You aren't the type to take no for an answer.

[voidbreaker]

Not when it matters. Allow me that much -- I'm good at adjusting.

[infire]

Then you won't mind a spar, will you? So I can show you that I won't need you to teach me to fight, after all.

[voidbreaker]

[ Now THAT gets him properly grinning. ]

Sure. I could do with a challenge.

[infire]

I'm not as powerful without my magic, and this body is still weaker than I'm used to... but I'll give you a good one, once this damn sedative wears off. You can be sure of that.

[voidbreaker]

I’ll be lookin’ forward to it, Bril. Channel some of that anger into it and you’ll probably find the lack of magic isn’t such a handicap.

[ he’d said she had some good natural instincts before, yeah? that can’t have just vanished along with this change. The body’s the same, after all. ]